第三次了 差点被RAPE 16岁的夏天 18岁的夏天 20岁的夏天 天热会让人HORNY 让人失去理智

什么都不想多说 是我自己太天真 没有无缘无故的关怀 哪怕是爸爸辈的年纪 男人

无论如何 没事就好 万幸 哭着给SEAN打电话 想自己一个人果然还是比较危险 身边总是该有个温暖的怀抱 有个安慰的声音 才能安心

疲惫 本来15个小时的沉睡身体已经稍稍恢复过来 这么一刺激 我又开始上吐下泻 头重脚轻

究竟什么时候生活才不会像现在这样冒险如惊悚片 不喜欢约束 却也禁不起这样狂风暴雨的折腾

妈妈总说我每天念叨的非洲只是孩子般华丽的梦想 我开始认真思考 自己所谓的执着 和现实的脆弱

浮萍 聚散无离 来去由天 而温暖 只在凄美的梦

我要的爱 其实 谁也给不了...

天空下起雨的时候我就会想你

听不得阿杜 听不得阿桑 不能想这些以阿开头的名字

很强烈的思念搅扰在梦里 在那个恍惚的背影里挣扎不出 直到醒过来呆呆的看已经湿了一片的枕头

支离破碎 还没有为任何别的谁这样撕心裂肺的疼痛过

想起离开的那天下午也是这样止不住的抽噎 一个人飘在大街上旁若无人状的悲天恸地 想着在遥远的另一端我所不能想象的生活 想着再重逢时的功德圆满或是竟然的陌路殊途

忍不住的时候会继续痴痴地往那个号码里发短信 明知道看不到却终究是一种解脱

也许真的太爱才不敢靠近 一直怕受伤一直要往外逃

只可惜到头来却发现终是怎么也骗不了自己 徒往已然脆弱的心上狠狠更添了几道锋利的刀痕

真的很怀念曾经那么被轻轻叫唤的温柔 被紧紧搂在怀里的踏实与幸福 很温暖的掌心很阳光的笑脸很天苍云浅的心情

很郁闷自己一有消息好的坏的第一个想告诉的仍是那个太过遥远的某人 宿命折折叠叠连自己都未曾知道已是这样刻骨铭心

毒药 真的有孟婆汤怕我也舍不得喝 那些最甜蜜的记忆攀爬如盛夏的紫藤花开 蜷缩在黑暗角落时唯一的光亮

究竟是为什么如此相爱却不能安安的相亲相偎相守相偕 这世上果有爱无能一说还是我的阴影没世无法再摆脱

雨还在下 歌还在唱 泪已成灰 人终无悔

总是要走过这么多的路才知道你已在我生命里留下根深蒂固的回忆 一如胸口的伤疤永远都挥之不去触目惊心

要很认真的学法语 仿佛那是和你唯一的交集和联系

不敢想未来 有太多不可承受的哀凄 做茧 百转千回 我静静等 那看似无期的蜕蝶…

the final test in on tomorrow...

notwithstanding (this fucking word appeared in that dalai lama book for 7 times in a single page...) i kind of feel nothing now... another boy in our car failed today...the game is fair, reality cruel... sadness is of course there, when u see one leaves after one as the time goes bye...only the strongest can survive here in china...yep, we are in china...we have to elbow ahead...

the stomach is getting even worse under the high pressure and the long-time training (which exactly includes waking up at 3 o'clock in the moring in the absolute darkness...) just the beginning of life, still got a long way to go... the foreigners always complain that all that the chinese can see is money, nothing else... partly true, i have to confess, but no other choice... to live, that's the top principal...

one thing i deeply realized from the several days staying together with them is-- (gosh, it hurts to speak out the truth...) i seem like a bad girl in traditional view... true, i can understand all the blue jokes, i talk open and directly, i don't care being tan, i drink beer...and so what? i'm still a chinese girl, i still love china. stop looking at me as if i come from Mars...

anyway, wish myself good luck tomorrow and all the best for us all...

刺激

超负荷的开车，早5点到晚10点，所有的内容必须在3天里面完美掌握，挑战着自己的极限…As Sean always says, living in china will never get u bored…15天的超长无奈假期和3天的紧急无奈特训，很是斑斓错落的多彩生活~好吧，明天我一定要把铁饼和独木桥解决了！！！

 

离别

相差了一分钟，听到的便只剩了，对不起，您拨打的电话已停机…anyway收到的最后一条短信是je t’aime，于是，我知足…4个月的光影，数不清的纷纷扰扰，记忆很乱，但无论如何，已是永别…只，祝一切都好，在落满秋叶的法国…

 

空白

津津有味的听亲爱的肖恩叨叨他把新房子折腾成什么样子，浅浅的笑，距离，永远都这么不远不近…有太多太多的不一样，如水和火，可遥相望却终究，也只能止于平行的亲昵…没有情侣们甜蜜的窒息，却更多，暖暖的红颜味的依偎…其实，也挺好…

 

没有太多的时间，音乐流淌，困欲眠…

There’s one piece of dialogue in <Everyone loves Raymond> going as follows

 

-- You are going straight to hell.

 -- And you, you are going to live with mom and dad.

 -- You win…

 

I don’t know what I can say now but just that I even have no strength to feel angry…

The only thing possible I could do is but to shrug sarcastically with the bitter smile, yeah, I’m living in china—we have no human rights here, oops…

 

If only

 

If only my greatest ever grandma could stop getting up everyday at 5:30, making all those fucking noise, especially the one from the broken laundry machine…and give me that sincere worrying look, saying, my dearest Fay, you seem lack of sleep, you should at least ensure 6 hours everyday…YEAH, THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME THAT!!!

 

If only my greatest ever grandpa could stop singing all those song-from-hell-like operas at 2 o’clock in all that darkness of nights, neither all those horrible self talking, sudden burst of laughing and cursing…GOSH, AM I LIVING IN THE HOSPITAL FOR MENTLE PROBLEMS?!!!

 

If only my greatest ever mom could stop reprimanding me every 2 hours, blaming me for everything without any plausible reason in that shrilling hysteric voice…I AM ONLY YOUR DAUGHTER, NOT YOUR PUNCHING BAG. I HAVE FEELINGS TOO!!!

 

If only my greatest ever dad could stop smoking that much all the time, making the living room even dirtier that the pig sty, with the television on almost 24 hours in the volume which could probably wake the deaf…DAD, IT’S ME WHO HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE WOODEN SOFA EVERYDAY, COULD U AT LEAST MAKE IT LESS UNBEARABLE A TINY BIT?!!!

If only…if only…

 

People always say that life is so not easy, except at home. Well, I’m glad to know that I become some awesome exceptional again here who need to put that except into especially…

 

LA VIE EST BELLE. DONC JE VAIS ME TUER…

终于，8月了

一整个月在家的心得 submissive is the best policy… J

 

换过方子以后，胃反而越来越难受

每次喝完药以后，都禁不住哆嗦，狠不能把一整天吃的都吐出来

妈妈总是冷冷的斜睨，自作自受，早知今日，何必当初

当初…当初，当初我压根儿就不该被生出来

 

难过的时候就一直一直听法语

CCTV-F里面有个男人的声音，和某只的很是相象

只可恨每天每天奥运的新闻都要占很多

听的我实在不堪的时候，就只能换FRANCE24

语速是快了点，好歹借助LE MONDE的参照，大概也能听下来…

 

一点一点

努力的为去非洲做准备…

离你们远远的，许也就没那么多相看两生厌

坚持做快乐的小孩

为自己，为心中死攥的那一缕阳光…